Shake-up in SofterWare Marketing Department
by 
(AP) Horsham, PA

For several years, Ann Brentano, regional account manager for SofterWare, Inc., had been voicing her opinion about the quality of their DonorPerfect marketing.  Exclaimed Ms. Brentano, “Just awful! A bunch of untrained monkeys could do a better job.”

After ignoring Ms. Brentano and her comments for 11 years, Doug Schoenberg, CEO of SofterWare, Inc., relented two weeks ago and brought in 6 untrained monkeys, or “temps”, to test her theory. Mr. Schoenberg stated “I tasked (the monkeys) to come up with a whole new marketing campaign in one week to see if they really could do a better job.”

After reviewing the results, Mr. Schoenberg noted, “We saw a noticeable increase in the quality of leads we got from the monkey’s efforts, and a jump in sales.”

Ms. Brentano gushed “Their website is gorgeous!  It’s gotten rave reviews from non-profits, and one sent me a check without seeing a demo!”

Unfortunately, the test did not go without incident. Marketing team members Julian Gibellino, Sam Goldenberg and Rob Strickler got into a shouting match with the monkeys after mocking their website design.  Mr. Goldenberg was later arrested for allegedly threatening an animal on the endangered species list.

When asked to comment on what this means going forward, Jon Biedermann, Vice President at SofterWare said “The monkey’s kicked ass!  Sure, they have fleas and parasites, but so does the human team.  It’s a no-brainer as far as I’m concerned.”

Mr. Schoenberg agreed, “If we can get the monkeys to stop picking fleas out of people's hair while they work, I’m prepared to hire them full-time.  I hear the team even has an Orangutan who recently composed one of Shakespeare's sonnets.”

When asked about the status of the old team, Mr. Schoenberg stated “They’ll be deported…   ah, I mean relocated, to China with Marc (Zeiger-Guerra) to work in our DOS division."